Beginnings, Endings, Endings, Beginnings, Beginnings

We are now a few days into the 2011 baseball season and the fun has begun.

I think it’s a bit trivial to discuss much about what has taken place after two or three games have been played. Games could be analyzed and dissected I suppose, but that’s not where I really want to go so much unless I were to get paid to do so. I really wish to just comment about the thoughts that run through my head when I see and read what I am able to see and read.

I was watching the Yankees-Tigers game yesterday. AJ Burnett was pitching for the Yankees. He had been a whipping boy for the Yank fans last year as he became the first pitcher in Yankee history to lose 15 games and have an ERA over 5 in 2010. With the game at home, his career in this first start of the 2011 season was under a microscope.
He did ok, but what I noticed is that he had some sort of facial tic. I don't recall seeing this before and perhaps he does have some issue and I shouldn't comment about it because its a sensitive situation; I don't know for sure. If it's something new maybe it was just something that was a temporary nuisance to him, but he was stretching his mouth and jaw like he was preparing himself to eat something really large for dinner later.

Can you imagine making a debut in the major leagues? If you are someone who always wanted to play pro ball, have you ever thought about that particular moment in time when you step into the batters box or face your first batter as a pitcher? What is that vision in your head?
Growing up (and not like I ever had a chance of becoming a pro player) I saw myself standing in the batter box against someone like Tom Seaver or Steve Carlton, or my idol Nolan Ryan, and cracking a long homerun; maybe even doing something really crazy and iconic right afterwards and announcing my retirement with my 1.000 batting average and 4.000 slugging percentage.

Well for the Detroit Tigers, 23-year old Venezuelan Brayan Villarreal made his MLB debut on the mound in the 6^th inning at Yankee stadium yesterday. Up as his first batter was future Hall of Famer Alex Rodriguez. Here is that perfect childhood dream situation for the rookie who no doubt had to think of something similar during his young days playing ball in the streets of Caracas. The stars were all aligned for him...Yankee Stadium...Alex Rodriguez...big strikeout coming...

And then Rodriguez hit a 430-foot homerun to centerfield to pad his Hall of Famer statistics and continue HIS dream.

Oh well, so much for that.

Dreamer

Sad news.
The Phillies released Luis Castillo last week. They decided to put another Mets reject, Wilson Valdez, at second base for now.
Now I have to wait to see if Castillo finds another team so I can create some new artwork.

Good news.
The Phillies have to resort to signing Mets rejects to fill gaps in their lineup. Since the Mets, on paper, are worse than the Phillies it means that the Phillies will be content with trying to head back to where their fans are much more fun to watch… the basement.

Bad News? Good News?
There are just two days now before my girl friend of nearly five years moves out of the house. It’s not a particularly pretty scene around here; lots of emotion when we’re both here, etc.

One of the good things about it is that this isn’t a nasty end. We’ve had a few nasty near ends before but this was just her finally realizing that we just never grew together early on and so we just became roommates more than anything else.

But that can also make it harder. If we were at each other’s throats then it’s an easy choice…get the hell out and as fast as possible.

I would much rather have it this way.

Well, I’d rather have a nice healthy relationship but this one has never been one of those.

Here is the bottom line though – we both need different types of people in our lives. She needs someone with a blue-collar, 7-3 type of job, who likes country music, crabs, and likes home improvement projects.
I need someone positive, happy, creative, inspirational and supportive who accepts me the exact way that I am.

The anger and negativity broke me in this. I worked hard on becoming a happy, care-free, positive person for a long time. Now, I’m really just care-free…but care-free as in an “I-don’t-give-a-fuck” type of care freeness.

That may ultimately be beneficial for what I am launching soon, which may prove to be super ironic. But currently, I’m just broken.

There is a financial component to this too. In a few months, if things don’t turn around, I’ll really be broke.

We didn’t really have much in common but we did like to travel and day trip. But I lost 2/3^rds of my income since November of 2008, so yes; it was then pretty boring because we haven’t been able to do all of those things like before.

I wonder if part of the reason that I haven’t been able to overcome all of the hope and change that has helped destroy things is because this girl broke me down with all of her anger and negativity. She just can’t understand a person who has a creative and entrepreneurial spirit so when I had an idea, she would roll her eyes and tell me to get a job. How many times can someone look to their partner, hear and see shit like that and not be affected by it?

It also just means that she never took the time to hear anything that I said about myself from day one, or figured that she was going to get me to change to suit her preferences.

Consequently there have been times that I have even doubted myself and called myself a loser. Isn’t a partner in life supposed to have an opposite effect on you? Or at least be as supportive and motivational as possible?

I had success in spite of all that though, because I did fight through all that bullshit the best way that I could. I did, after all, make the switch to concentrate on the entertainment career during this relationship and have reached milestones that thousands dream of and don’t achieve.

But entertainers can have a lot of extra time on their hands, which I had easily been able to fill with something financially productive over the years. I just wonder if the difficulties that I have had there are a result of the fact that I have been broken down the way that I have.

I take full responsibility for the failure of this relationship and have told her as much. While she wasn’t really a good communicator, I could have stepped up and been an even communicator than I believe that I am.

I wish her no ill will and only want the best for her and hope she finds the perfect man and situation for her.

I also wish myself well so I’ll begin a new chapter. I’d rather not be alone but that is the way that it’s going to be for a while, I imagine. First, who wants a 49-year old guy even if he does have a rocking hot body? But then throw in the financial situation and that cuts out the young, hot gold diggers. And…I’m not ready to tap into the social security system yet, if you know what I’m saying.

So probably I’m looking at a long parade of dirty young hookers for a while, at least if I am looking for some sort of instant gratification anyway.

But…I’m not, though. So with lots of extra time on my hands I’ll concentrate on the new project…. http://www.marshcast.com/.

The first two shows are “in the can,” so to speak.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, I have named the first show for the network and it will be called, “The Dungeon of Manlove.”

For those friends and followers of mine who have conservative tendencies, and/or are easily offended, this show will not be for you. While I will incorporate things into this show about my life on the road as an entertainer, sports, and other normal life things, it will ultimately be about releasing a great deal of pent up frustration and creativity in a very free-spirited, uncensored, and unbridled way. It’s a show that is created in sort of that “I don’t-give-a-fuck-because-I-don't-have-much-to-lose-anyway” type of way that I mentioned earlier.

Just the name of the show should give people some cause to think before pressing the button to play it, when its ready to go.

So let's tally the results of today's piece. Two endings, three beginnings. That's PLUS ONE, so I'm ahead in the game today. So now...I'm

Done.