Hello...ello....llo...lo...oooooo

Baseball is a humbling game for those who play it and those who try to make predictions about it.

Albert Pujols, my NL pick for run away MVP isn’t hitting his weight. The Red Sox, my pick to win it all, got swept in their opening series and their pitching staff was serving up bombs like they were playing the Libyans. Cole Hamels, who I figured to be the breakout star of the Phillies much ballyhooed pitching staff, got his ass kicked by the Mets in his first outing.

And no one saw the Orioles starting 4-0 now, did they?
I can root for the Orioles. I have always liked them and they are just down the road. If Brian Roberts stays healthy at the top of that lineup, Vladimir Guerrero andDerrek Lee stay healthy, Mark Reynolds doesn’t strike out 300 times instead of his customary 200, and the talented young pitching staff doesn’t crumble, there are plenty of reasons to see O’s fans cheer a lot this year. That is a lot that needs to go right for them, but I am happy for it since I can see all of their games on TV.
I can’t root for the Phillies and they are closer. Shane Victorino, Phils centerfielder, perhaps said it best, “Phillies fans are the most obnoxious in baseball.” That is why I don’t like them. Most of my friends are Phillies fans too…I like THEM, but not their choice of baseball teams.
It’s not their fault, for the most part; we usually root for the team near us when we are growing up. I was closer to New York, so I root for those teams. But at least having my parents raise me as a New York fan isn’t the near child abuse that it is for a parent to push a Philadelphia sports team on them as they are raised. I still believe that should be illegal.

Even if the Phillies go 161-1 they are still the team with more losses than any other team in the history of the world, which keeps my heart warm.

Can you tell there is a Phillies-Mets series taking place right now?

It was a great show at Ursinus College in Collegeville, PA last night. It’s always great when I can get half a dozen hot young co-eds to have orgasms on stage at the same time. (There were dudes there too but I don’t really care what they are doing when I have a microphone in front of a cute moaning 20-year old.)

Excuse me…I need to hold that thought for just a few minutes.

Ok, I’m back.
One of my goals in life when I was younger was to become a dirty old man when I got older. I am well on my way! One of my other goals was to be financially secure – rich, dare I say… well, at least one of those dreams is coming true.

The next taping of the Dungeon of Manlove is today. I can’t wait for that. I’ll meet a couple of new people today and we’ll get to mess around with the stuff we have been writing about and kicking around all week since the first taping.

I am also excited for next weeks taping which is already scheduled. The hottest girl on the planet, who happens to live here in Delaware…(I know right? Who would have ever thought that?!) is going to give a shot at making the show’s staff. (She’s in.)

The house is now ¾ empty. There is an echo in most of the house. It’s odd for sure. No pictures on the wall, a bare refrigerator (except for a couple of cases of diet soda, chicken and some mustard) and the finished portion of my basement where I have my theater room is empty. There is no echo there since there is carpeting.

I’m probably more worried about the dog missing his adopted mommy. Last night, for example, I had to leave the house around 3 and didn’t get home until midnight. That throws him off schedule and since he is 15 years old I try not to stress him out like that.
Don’t underestimate the stress factor on your pets, my friends. I have worked very hard to keep his life as stress free as possible. And I feed him chicken twice a day (which is why there is chicken in the refrigerator…the diet soda is mine though) so these are reasons why he has lived a long time. 16^th birthday this coming June, God willing....and you're all invited to his birthday party!

She did stop by to pick up some things while I was at the show. But for some reason I get a text saying that she took my phone charger. I still can’t figure out why or how that even happened. It was in a cabinet with plates that was already cleared out. Is there some odd reason behind that? I know she’ll bring it back; I just found it a little strange.

Speaking of strange, our show crew has come up with a new segment for the Dungeon of Manlove. It’s called “Find Marshal a new whore…um…I mean…girl friend.” That is the official name of it.  I like the name of the segment.

I am pretty much done with all of that relationship bull shit though. I told her when I met her that she was going to be the last one, one way or the other. Since it was one way and not the other, I’m just going to bachelor it up for the balance of my days. (Famous last words, right?) Besides, I need this extra time and space to work on my shows and work on reaching the other major goal in my life. Being a dirty old man is one thing but not completely respected in the community. Being a dirty old RICH man? That, at least, gets respect from the male community.

Done.