Drunkleman

The Cardinals Albert Pujols is now hitting over his weight again and that spells trouble for the NL Central division. He popped his 6^th homer of the year yesterday in a 5-0 shutout pitched by Kyle Lohse (I know, right?) The return and health of Matt Holliday to the lineup could be a contributing factor to that, but Pujols is Pujols and the league was not going to keep him down for long. With those two bats on fire the shakeup in the division is under way and the Cards are now tied with the Reds for first place.

Still not hitting his weight of 220 is the Nationals Jayson Werth(less). His second homerun of the year last week against the Phillies was pretty funny to watch but it was the last one he hit too. After 18 games he has driven in a total of 4 runs now increasing his pace to 36 for the year. Let me LOL a bit for a moment there.

And then cry because he is getting paid 18 million dollars this year for that exhibition and I’m broke…and then cry some more because my team is currently saddled with the worst record in baseball.

Stefano got the boot from American Idol last night, as he should have. His flashback at the end of the show reminded me about the accident that he had a few years ago and that he had an incredible fight back to get where he was. It also reminded me that he was much more humble back then than he is now.

So that now leaves the four that I picked to be “stars” Lauren Alaina, who Steven Tyler said could win the whole thing, and my hot love bundle, Haley Reinhart. Pia Toscano should really be in that group, but she’s on tour and holding a recording contract already so she’ll start pulling in money before all of them and she is probably just fine with that.

James Durbin continued to be interesting to me on this show. He is the rocker of the group and even did a heavy metal song one week on it. While he has that whole scream thing down, when he controls it and ropes it in, he really has a good voice. But the thing about him is that he has Tourette Syndrome and he tics up a storm while just standing there next to Seacrest, the worst interviewer in the world, but when he sings all of that is under control. He is easy to root for on this show.

Seacrest is really bad and is one of the luckiest guys on the planet. How many times are we going to hear this clown ask a question like this, “What does this mean to you?” or “What will this do for your career?” Really? Is this what this guy gets paid millions of dollars to do? I’ll do it for a quarter of that from now on and ask interesting questions or at least questions that aren’t easily answered by everyone sitting in front of the TV… EVERYTHING, and IT GAVE ME ONE, for examples.

One of the dumbest guys on the planet is that Dunkleman dude who was co-host with Seacrest on season one. Wow, he must be lurking in a dark alley drunk and heavily medicated with illegal street drugs masking the pain of that decision even to this day.   

Seacrest and...what's that guy's name from Season One of AI

One of the smartest advertising campaigns I have ever seen is the Ford campaign created with the remaining Idol contestants each week. Brilliant plan to use them in these ads, each different, every week. I actually notice them to watch how they use the kids in the ads, and then I just even mentioned it here so it has worked on me.

I really would like to see a car parallel park itself.  

I didn’t think that I would watch AI without Simon Cowell. But the talent is actually talented this year and that has kept it interesting. It was MORE interesting for me to watch it with some not-so-talented people in it with Cowell making any sort of comment like…let’s try, “That sounded like a Rhinoceros begging for an afternoon snack!”

Cowell, the genius that he is, even made a comment that this year’s show is better without him. The genius of making that comment is even more geniusier than one might think. There is no animosity whatsoever in it; he made millions from that show and avoids any confrontation with its show’s fans, many of whom will watch X-Factor when that starts in September.

I’m not really sure what Steven Tyler brought to the table at AI besides some star power and the occasional blurt of an expletive in front of all of the 15-year-olds jammed in front of the stage drooling over Alfred E. Neumann. But he was in Aerosmith so it’s fine with me and every grandma out there watching.
Paula Abdul still brings nothing, but there is no doubt that she is really is a beautiful woman.
It’s anyone’s game on AI and there is no telling or bothering to predict who will win now; either of the six are capable of taking the title especially with my 50 votes each week for the little blonde sex bomb.

Speaking of sex bombs, I had the pleasure of finding out that someone I know grew up to be a stripping, swinging, bisexual foot-fetish model last night. Seems as if I found a great new guest for my Dungeon of Manlove show! Jackpot!

Speaking of stripping, swinging and bisexuals, I was rebooked to do the swingers convention at which I did a show last November. They booked it for the weekend where I have done the U of Maine show 3 of the 4 years so if there is a campaign to ban me from UM because my show is too raunchy, I can invite those who want to see an even naughtier show to bring a swinging friend to this one and have even MORE fun.

Why is Easter on Memorial Day this year?

Done.